Reflecting on 2010 and manifesting what is to come in 2011 (aka #Reverb10)

As I mentioned on Monday, I am participating in #Reverb10.  I wanted to start the project on the right foot.  This semester I didn’t spend as much time on the Internet.  Sure, I still cleared out my Reader every week (usually by Marking All As Read) and I blogged each month and I followed friends on Twitter and Facebook.  But believe it or not, I cut back on the time I spent online.  I am a blogger because I love making and maintaining connections and I enjoy writing about things that aren’t related to work or school.  This is a hobby that has become incredibly rewarding for me.

Reflecting on 2010 – my first year as a “real” blogger

I started The Tao of Grad School (over at wordpress.com) on January 2nd, 2010.  To say that blogging in 2010 was a rewarding experience cannot even begin to capture what blogging has done for me.  First of all, I’ve met you.  All of you, my readers.  My friends.  I may only have 10 hits in a day, but knowing that I’ve made 10 real, honest to goodness makes my heart so happy it hurts friends is worth so very much to me.

I’ve gotten know some amazing graduate students, strong, independent, amazing women who inspire me every day without ever trying to inspire.  Yes, I mean, Cali, Ashley and Cate.  I met Taylor and Anne.  They are two of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known.  Their amazing love for each other shines so brightly that those who know them cannot help but shine a little brighter, too.  I met Jenn early in the year via a mutual friend at the time who turned out not to be such a  great friend in the end.  What can I say about Jenn that you don’t already know? She is the most awesome of all awesomesauces. I also vlogged every day in August this year and it was wonderful to get to know so many lovely people.

To be honest, I’ve learned something from each person I’ve met online this year.  I’m blessed to know you.  I’m so happy that I was able to meet so many of you in person this year.  You know who you are and I hope you will consider this a shout out, a thank you and a giant hug.

Blogging has also allowed me to express to others what graduate school (or PhD school as we PhD students like to call it) can be like – painful, disappointing, lonely, depressing and extreme.  Yet we stick around because we know we are doing what we are meant to do.  We are challenging ourselves to grow and accomplish more in one single year than we did during all of undergrad combined.  With this blog, I have learned that I struggle with making commitments to myself, to taking care of myself.  I was reminded that I dream big, but lack follow through.  I learned that I really do miss being creative and blogging allows me to express myself in a creative way.  I learned that I can admit when I need help, I can tell people “No,” and I don’t have to get along with everyone.  I learned that when I feel down, it literally takes five seconds for someone out there to make me feel ten times better via a text, tweet, email or phone call.  I also learned that some bloggers are not interested in listening to outsiders because they have their own agendas and are really only interested in hearing themselves talk (or reading their own words, in this case).  Conversely, I learned that some of you are absolutely amazing, inclusive, helpful, brilliant, creative, diverse, genuine, beautiful people who represent everything that is wonderful about humanity.

As a blogger, I was also able to stay in better touch with some of my closest friends.  Many of my friends in real life before this blog also live incredibly hectic, busy lives.  With our blogs, Twitter and Facebook accounts, we could keep in touch when it was nearly impossible to see each other over the year.  I am very thankful for the ability to keep in touch with friends all over the world with social networking.

Today’s prompt

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

Those of you who knew me before this blog know that I’ve studied Buddhist, Tao, Zen, Hindu and Yoga principles for many years.  I don’t talk about it much on this blog mostly because there are so many other articulate, practicing, inspiring men and women who can share with you much more than I can at this point in my life.   But the words that I identify with are commonly those words I read in The Upanishads for the first time five years ago.  Two of those words describe 2010 and will hopefully describe 2011.  To those of you who are more fluent in Sanskrit, please please please correct me if I got these translations wrong!

2010 - परिणति (parinati) – Change, transformation, moving forward

This year, I started a blog, I met amazing new people and I learned so much about myself.  I also let go of some past relationships, I mended my relationship with my father on some levels and I strengthened ties with old friends.  I was also able to move forward and cope with the loss of my grandmother in a healthier way. I finally got my twelve year long battle with depression, anxiety and panic attacks somewhat under control with the help of therapy and healthy coping mechanisms.  I reached my limit with regard to work and school and took on too much.  My mom and her boyfriend moved here. I moved to a new place.  I discovered what I am most interested in studying in school and for the rest of my life.  I *almost* finished my Master’s thesis. By early next year I will have a Master’s of Science degree in Applied Experimental Psychology. Many changes. Many transformations. Moving forward.

2011 - ममता (mamataa) or आत्माप्रेमन् (aatma prem) – Self-love

Given the challenges I faced this year and the changes that occurred in my life, I have discovered what I need to do to focus more on reclaiming my life for myself. My life does not belong to my family or friends.  My life does not belong to my bosses or advisor or professors. Sure, I want to make my friends happy and I don’t want to disappoint them. Sure, my bosses, advisor and professors have a huge say in my life right now because they have a say in my future in grad school and in the workforce.   But I really do have to take better care of myself and put myself first. To take care of myself, I must love myself. I hope I can work towards that in 2011.

Looking back, I think 2008 was आत्मबोध (self-awareness; aatma bodhi) and 2009 was आत्मन्  ध्यान (aatma dhyaan; self-contemplation). On New Year’s Eve of 2008 I said about 2007, “I feel like this was the year I was born.”  I’ve come a long way in three years, baby.

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Stay tuned for my next post at the end of the week – as I mentioned, I will participate daily, but will not post here daily.  You can still join in and reflect and manifest with the rest of us!