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	<title>Comments on: Grad school is where you go to suck at the only thing you&#8217;ve ever been good at (i.e., school)</title>
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	<link>http://gradtao.com/2011/03/16/why-i-dont-fit-in/</link>
	<description>Finding The Way as we habituate to the feeling of drowning</description>
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		<title>By: sotrue</title>
		<link>http://gradtao.com/2011/03/16/why-i-dont-fit-in/comment-page-1/#comment-108285</link>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[sotrue]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Sep 2014 01:27:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://gradtao.com/?p=2768#comment-108285</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I couldn&#039;t agree more with your most and with all of the comments above. I&#039;m in a prestigious phd program and I also feel like I don&#039;t belong. People here are very extroverted, competitive, and have the goal of becoming  star scholar. Everyone compete to publish more, regardless of what kind of question they are asking. They want to form good relationship with the PIs (which is of course not bad), but all for career purposes and to lengthen their CVs.
I don&#039;t want to blame those who are ambitious, but what I found was that I&#039;m not ambitious enough. I&#039;m more interested in finding a good research question, and a question that really contributes to the field and the world. I feel like an idealist in here, too slow in processing thoughts, too slow in proceeding with any research there is. 
The only solution I came to was to ignore all those thoughts. I am who I am, and if I have a goal, I&#039;m going to be happy with it. I&#039;ll have to stop being depressed about not making smart remarks all the time, I&#039;ll have to live with the boredom sometimes I felt while doing coursework (although coursework is soon over). I&#039;m going to be happy with my own goal of not aiming to be the star scholar in my field with hundreds of research. If I settle to live the way I want, I&#039;ll have to stick to it and be happy about it. It&#039;s not as easy as it is said, but that&#039;s the conclusion I reached after 2 years of grad school.]]></description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I couldn&#8217;t agree more with your most and with all of the comments above. I&#8217;m in a prestigious phd program and I also feel like I don&#8217;t belong. People here are very extroverted, competitive, and have the goal of becoming  star scholar. Everyone compete to publish more, regardless of what kind of question they are asking. They want to form good relationship with the PIs (which is of course not bad), but all for career purposes and to lengthen their CVs.<br />
I don&#8217;t want to blame those who are ambitious, but what I found was that I&#8217;m not ambitious enough. I&#8217;m more interested in finding a good research question, and a question that really contributes to the field and the world. I feel like an idealist in here, too slow in processing thoughts, too slow in proceeding with any research there is.<br />
The only solution I came to was to ignore all those thoughts. I am who I am, and if I have a goal, I&#8217;m going to be happy with it. I&#8217;ll have to stop being depressed about not making smart remarks all the time, I&#8217;ll have to live with the boredom sometimes I felt while doing coursework (although coursework is soon over). I&#8217;m going to be happy with my own goal of not aiming to be the star scholar in my field with hundreds of research. If I settle to live the way I want, I&#8217;ll have to stick to it and be happy about it. It&#8217;s not as easy as it is said, but that&#8217;s the conclusion I reached after 2 years of grad school.</p>
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		<title>By: Angelica</title>
		<link>http://gradtao.com/2011/03/16/why-i-dont-fit-in/comment-page-1/#comment-108102</link>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Angelica]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 14 Sep 2014 15:02:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://gradtao.com/?p=2768#comment-108102</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I can definitely relate. I just completed my Masters in drug design and I have to admit I&#039;m pretty disappointed. While I got an A, the work I produced and the things I learned are no where near my expectations when I first joined the program. I felt like I didn&#039;t fit in a lot of the time because while I was an external student, others where already teaching assistants in the academic field pursuing Master degrees, and I was juggling my Masters with a full time job. I think a big part of the disappointment is not researching the work I would be doing well enough. Pure drug design was a new discipline and I was the first in my university to do this kind of work so there were very little available resources to help me. Also another aspect of disappointment I would have to say is my supervisor. Pretty old school and very resistant to my ideas.

I&#039;m still pondering over enrolling in a PhD program or not. On the one hand, I want to learn more and I want to do research work that will contribute even in the slightest tiniest way to science. But on the other, what if my PhD is as disappointing as my Masters? It&#039;s going to take me 3 times as long - time wise and effort wise - and I&#039;ll also be risking a career in a reputable company. But something tells me if I don&#039;t take the step now I&#039;ll always wonder why I never did .. but I don&#039;t want to jump into it to later regret it half way through!]]></description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I can definitely relate. I just completed my Masters in drug design and I have to admit I&#8217;m pretty disappointed. While I got an A, the work I produced and the things I learned are no where near my expectations when I first joined the program. I felt like I didn&#8217;t fit in a lot of the time because while I was an external student, others where already teaching assistants in the academic field pursuing Master degrees, and I was juggling my Masters with a full time job. I think a big part of the disappointment is not researching the work I would be doing well enough. Pure drug design was a new discipline and I was the first in my university to do this kind of work so there were very little available resources to help me. Also another aspect of disappointment I would have to say is my supervisor. Pretty old school and very resistant to my ideas.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m still pondering over enrolling in a PhD program or not. On the one hand, I want to learn more and I want to do research work that will contribute even in the slightest tiniest way to science. But on the other, what if my PhD is as disappointing as my Masters? It&#8217;s going to take me 3 times as long &#8211; time wise and effort wise &#8211; and I&#8217;ll also be risking a career in a reputable company. But something tells me if I don&#8217;t take the step now I&#8217;ll always wonder why I never did .. but I don&#8217;t want to jump into it to later regret it half way through!</p>
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		<title>By: Intheclouds</title>
		<link>http://gradtao.com/2011/03/16/why-i-dont-fit-in/comment-page-1/#comment-78785</link>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Intheclouds]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 09 Nov 2013 05:00:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://gradtao.com/?p=2768#comment-78785</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I also found this by typing in &quot;grad school sucks&quot; into google. I&#039;m really glad I read this because I now feel like I&#039;m not alone. I have constantly felt inadequate in my Master&#039;s program. I started it because I, too, have a passion to learn and to make positive changes in our communities (I&#039;m in public health). However I soon realized the people I was surrounded by (including my PI) lack such passion and seem to be going through the motions in order to put up some facade. I can see some are doing it because they feel they have no other options or even for the prestige however I do not care for such things. It makes it really hard because I can&#039;t relate at all to ANY of them. I have tried but now I give up. 

I am quite young in my lab therefore I always feel like I am being talked down to and discriminated against because of the way I look. I have had my PI make pretty sexist remarks (I don&#039;t think he realizes he&#039;s doing it because he&#039;s just so damn socially awkward) but it got to a point where I avoided him for 3 months. I have a pretty face but apparently this means I don&#039;t have intellectual capabilities to these people. I&#039;ve just started to ignore it and try to prove myself. Sometimes I care, sometimes I don&#039;t....but after 2 years of this I&#039;m ready to leave.

I started to change the way I dress and act just so I feel like I can &quot;fit in&quot; and be accepted by these academics but I can&#039;t do it anymore. I was wrong to change myself to begin with but I was pretty insecure after undergrad/before starting grad school. I know realize I am who I am and I want to work in an environment where my thoughts/ideas are appreciated or at the least acknowledged by my colleagues (and if I&#039;m lucky, by my superiors). I have made plans to apply to some professional schools because I don&#039;t like any of the job prospects I see in my immediate future nor do I want to pursue my PhD because I can&#039;t see a future for myself in academics. I can&#039;t wait to get out and start a real life where I don&#039;t feel so inadequate all the time. Time to peace out of this joint!]]></description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I also found this by typing in &#8220;grad school sucks&#8221; into google. I&#8217;m really glad I read this because I now feel like I&#8217;m not alone. I have constantly felt inadequate in my Master&#8217;s program. I started it because I, too, have a passion to learn and to make positive changes in our communities (I&#8217;m in public health). However I soon realized the people I was surrounded by (including my PI) lack such passion and seem to be going through the motions in order to put up some facade. I can see some are doing it because they feel they have no other options or even for the prestige however I do not care for such things. It makes it really hard because I can&#8217;t relate at all to ANY of them. I have tried but now I give up. </p>
<p>I am quite young in my lab therefore I always feel like I am being talked down to and discriminated against because of the way I look. I have had my PI make pretty sexist remarks (I don&#8217;t think he realizes he&#8217;s doing it because he&#8217;s just so damn socially awkward) but it got to a point where I avoided him for 3 months. I have a pretty face but apparently this means I don&#8217;t have intellectual capabilities to these people. I&#8217;ve just started to ignore it and try to prove myself. Sometimes I care, sometimes I don&#8217;t&#8230;.but after 2 years of this I&#8217;m ready to leave.</p>
<p>I started to change the way I dress and act just so I feel like I can &#8220;fit in&#8221; and be accepted by these academics but I can&#8217;t do it anymore. I was wrong to change myself to begin with but I was pretty insecure after undergrad/before starting grad school. I know realize I am who I am and I want to work in an environment where my thoughts/ideas are appreciated or at the least acknowledged by my colleagues (and if I&#8217;m lucky, by my superiors). I have made plans to apply to some professional schools because I don&#8217;t like any of the job prospects I see in my immediate future nor do I want to pursue my PhD because I can&#8217;t see a future for myself in academics. I can&#8217;t wait to get out and start a real life where I don&#8217;t feel so inadequate all the time. Time to peace out of this joint!</p>
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