Category Archives: The Way

Empowering others online

The Way

{The otter says Namaste – via KarmaRoutes}

I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.  In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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I recently Googled the Goethe quote above so I would get it exactly right.  I wanted to write a post about empowering others and how my friends online have empowered me to be a more honest and kinder person.  I came across a post Jenny Blake wrote in December about seeing the best in others.  I thought this was serendipitous.  OK, sure her post was listed under My Social Circle, but STILL.

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Live well.  Be real.  Be kind.  Be fearless.  Those words seem so simple, so why is it so difficult for humans to empower one another and to live with kindness and empathy?

It is important for me to live my life now as if it were the only chance I have.  For me, the only life I will ever have is happening now.  The only relationships I will ever have are taking place now.  Even if there is an afterlife of some kind, I do not believe I will be aware of it. This is my only chance at life, at love, at peace.  I want to do it up right, yo.

I have not always lived a life of which I could be proud.  I have not always been kind to others or to myself.  I have said and done things I have only recently forgiven in myself so I can move forward and let go of the past.  I try not to let the past control me, but sometimes it sneaks up on me when I least expect it.  It sneaks up on me in my relationships most of all.  A few times online I have said something positive and received the following responses: “You are way too nice” and “You give me too much credit.”  Really?  Am I too nice?  Do I give you too much credit for something you accomplished?  Probably not.  I think to myself, “Just say thank you. If I didn’t believe what I was saying was true, I would not say it.”  But then I think, “Wait, if someone said something nice about me, would I embrace it or hide from it or feel uncomfortable?”  I guess it is still easier for me to give than to receive kindness.  I think others are also better able to be kind than accept kindness.

Such self-doubt follows me everywhere no matter how hard I fight against it.  Before I moved to Virginia almost two years ago, I made a conscious decision to burn old bridges and make new ones.  I needed to surround myself with people who had my best interest at heart and no longer interact with takers or users or abusers. Then I decided to start blogging again after a long break.  I remember thinking, “What could I possibly contribute to the Blogosphere?”  “Who would even read my blog?”  Doni said anyone who wears multiple hats or juggles many things at once will want to read my blog.  Michelle and Chris also pushed me to take the leap to resurrect the blogger in me.  I knew I would be a different blogger than I was for so long.  But I did not know what to expect from my new life online with a new blog and a Twitter account. I did not expect for so many bloggers around the globe to embrace me.   To become real friends offline.  To cheer me on when times were great.  To send me hugs when I was down.  To laugh at my bad jokes.  I certainly did not expect in any given day to have 20 to 600 hits on my blog. I did not expect myself to reach out to others as much as I did.  I did not expect myself to reach out, make new friends and take risks with them. I realized recently that you all make me want to be a better woman.  I want to genuinely be myself.  I hope you’ll stick around.  I will do my best to be there for you, too.

When you take action or use your words online, those words and actions are out there for all the world to see.  There is no hiding from yourself.  There is no hiding from it… whatever it is.  Wouldn’t you rather put your light out into the world than hide in darkness?  Or to project darkness?

I know I would.  And that is what I try to do.

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I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One. Namaste.

The Life Raft Debate and the importance of a Liberal Arts education

Academia, Gen Y, The Way

{Life Raft Debate}

The Life Raft Debate

Every year (since 1998), students and faculty at the University of Montevallo (my Alma mater) come together to prove the value of a Liberal Arts education in America.  In the Life Raft Debate, the scenario is simple:

There has been a nuclear war and the survivors (the audience) are setting sail to rebuild society from the ground up.  There is a group of academic-types vying to get on the raft, and only one seat is left. Each professor gets to give an introductory account of his or her discipline, then give a brief rebuttal to the others, and, finally, the audience will be allowed to ask questions and vote. Each professor has to argue that his or her discipline is the one indispensable area of study that the new civilization will need to flourish.  At the end of the debating, the audience votes and the lucky winner climbs aboard, waving goodbye to the others.

The true purpose behind the debate is to highlight the importance of a liberal arts education.  Each discipline brings something to the table, to the world, to the lives of students.  To the Raft, as it were.  We, in reality, cannot survive without any discipline.  They are all equally important.

Liberal Arts

A broad undergraduate education is valuable for many reasons.  Understanding the basics of multiple disciplines forced me to think outside the box, to ask questions, to learn how to do research and to learn how to think analytically. I earned a Bachelor of Science with a double major in Psychology and Sociology at the University of Montevallo in 2004 (wow, I’m getting old).  Despite have a concentration in two disciplines, I still took courses in Math, the Hard Sciences, Engineering, Law, Political Science, History, Foreign Language, Sociology, Psychology, Economics, the Arts, Religion, Philosophy and more.  I learned how to love to learn.  I learned how to learn.  A Liberal Arts education prepared for the real world and for a graduate level education.  And I will always be a proponent of liberal arts education at the undergraduate level.

This weekend, NPR’s This American Life podcast featured the outcome of the 2007 Life Rafe Debate.  Listen to the “Tough Guys” segment on NPR’s This American Life in which the Life Raft Debate is mentioned.  (It begins at 41:00.)

In the segment, Dr. Jon Smith said:

There is a degree to which we sortof expect public discourse is going to be horrifically debased.  That we are going to have these god awful debates and there is nothing else except crappy emotional appeals that may or may not actually have an impact upon real issues.

That quote reminded me of an old episode of Real Time with Bill Maher in which Richard Dreyfuss discussed the importance of teaching Civics in school.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd7p1SGMuqU]

Few undergraduate programs will ever include even a glimmer of Civics in their curricula.  It is our responsibility as citizens of the world to be active in that world. To make a difference.  To ask questions.  To educate ourselves and not allow the status quo to dictate what we think, feel and do in our lives.

A Liberal Arts education challenged me to be a better human being, student and world citizen.  I will be forever grateful for such a gift.

My Epiphany Moment – just say No

The Way

The Epiphany Moment Project

Matt Chevy is one of the hardest working people in my Blogopshere.  OK, I take that back.  He’s WAY bigger than just my little old social network.  I had the pleasure of chatting with him for a few minutes on Skype this week.

You can check out his amazing project, The Epiphany Moment, over at Life Without Pants.  The focus of my Epiphany Moment was knowing when to say No and to set boundaries for yourself.  Head over to his site to record your own Epiphany Moment.

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Just say No

It can be difficult for those of us who have high expectations for ourselves to set boundaries.  We feel guilty if we say No. We put too much pressure on ourselves to do EVERYTHING.  To PLEASE everyone.  To just take on one more project, client, assignment, research project.  To write just one more blog.  To do one more favor.  To allow someone to take advantage of our kindness, our abilities, our time.  To say Yes Yes Yes.  But we can’t.  We have to take care of ourselves and set boundaries so we can be successful and healthy and happy.  We must be able to set boundaries and say without feeling guilty, especially in our interpersonal relationships.  Ultimately, if we don’t care of ourselves, we cannot take care of others.  We cannot do what needs to be done at the end of the day.  Parents cannot be good parents if they do not take care of themselves.  Friends and family members cannot be good for one another without doing what is best for them as individuals before doing what their friends or family want from them.  It is OK to say No.  And it is OK not to explain yourself.  By saying No, you are empowering yourself to focus on what you need to do in the here and now.

When was the last time you told someone No?  Told yourself No?  Set boundaries in a relationship or situation?

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It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves – to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to be loving to ourselves without owning our self – and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives.

~ Robert Burney~