Grad school gossip

Grad school

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nuthin’ at all.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGt9jAkWie4]

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I recently alluded to some drama at school,  but I didn’t want to get into it in too much detail in public.

The gist: I don’t associate with some people in my program because I prefer to surround myself with positive, honest, helpful, kind, enabling individuals.  I do not like to sit down at a table at dinner with someone and have him or her immediately talk negatively about someone I know or try to pull negative words from me.  If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Or at least, don’t be two faced.  If you hang around someone all the time, don’t come to me and start talking smack.  I will immediately lose some respect and trust for you.  That doesn’t mean I’m perfect.  I am far from perfect.  I say things I should not say about people, but I try to limit it to things I would say to that person’s face.  Or I limit intimate conversations about others to my closest friends.

I thought I would post something general about the interpersonal politics of {insert any competitive professional work environment}.

I treat grad school as a professional work environment. We are adults and colleagues.  The line between student and faculty is blurred such that we are all on a first name basis.  I do not like drama and avoid it at all costs for my personal well-being.  I am friends with my boss outside of work, but we are able to compartmentalize our professional and personal lives because we are on the same page.  That is a special circumstance that I do not share with many of my fellow students.  A few of my close friends in my program also treat grad school as a job.  That’s right, I only have a few close friends in school.

Why I am not close with most of my cohort

Competitiveness + high intelligence + psychology background + neuroticism + poor coping skills + long distance relationships + insecurity + extreme stress mediated by a small, cohesive cohort predicts interpersonal disaster.  (That was my awful attempt at a regression equation to predict grad school drama. But you get the idea.)

There are very few of us in the program.

My business, if I talk about it, will become everyone’s business.  Everyone knows everyone in any small graduate program.  My classes range from four to twenty students, so we all know each other.  Word spreads fast.  I prefer not to share the most intimate details of my life with anyone in the program outside of the few people whom I consider real friends.

There is some separation based on age.

Some students come straight out of undergrad and are still going through their party phase in life.  Their “getting to know themselves” phase.  Their “experimental” phase.  Been there, done that, over it.  That is not to say I don’t know how to have a good time. I can drink wine and dance all night with the best of them.  But I’m 27.  I’m not 23.  Others, like myself, worked for a few years before going back to school, we have established healthy relationships and we don’t want to mix work with personal life too much.  When you are 23, you think you are an adult.  And then you turn 27 and realize that you are always growing, changing, discovering new things, and re-evaluating your priorities.

I tend to socialize more with older students because I find that our interests and priorities are similar.  It doesn’t mean those students who want to go out to the clubs every night, to come to class hungover, or to be promiscuous with one another are necessarily doing something wrong.  They are just doing some things I do not want to do personally.  Life is too short not to live it up a little.  I also believe life is too short to be cruel to anyone or to hurt oneself.

Then there is the issue of PhD versus Master’s students.

Some PhD students are a little “judgey” about the Master’s students, despite the fact we are taking the same classes..  In my program, the first year requirements are the same regardless of one’s concentration.  The Applied Experimental Master’s students, Clinical PsyDs, Human Factors PhDs, Applied Experimental PhDs and Industrial/Organizational PhDs take some of the same core courses.  It is not until the second year that we split into concentration areas.    In general, we mingle and see each other regularly. But there are a group of PhD students who think they are better, smarter, more capable than the Master’s students.  It is like high school all over again for some.  Or the PhD Jets versus the MS Sharks, if you’re into musicals.  In my opinion, at this level in our education, we are all equal.  Everyone has a different set of skills, knowledge, abilities and interests.  The Master’s students in my program, including myself, began their graduate education with a terminal Master’s degree because our GRE scores were not great, we had been out of school for awhile and we did not know exactly what our research focus was going to be.  We needed a Master’s program to help guide us in the right direction and better prepare us for a PhD program.  Fortunately, there are PhDs who believe we are all colleagues.  And I hope to be a good role model by being inclusive once I enter the PhD program in August.

Then there is the issue of competition between students.

This is, after all, academia.  The Ivory Tower of Academia can be a pretty dark cave in which to reside.  Julie at Escape the Ivory Tower, one of my favorite blogs about grad school, definitely touches on this aspect of interpersonal relationship in academia.  Fortunately for me, my fellow Human Factors students are very cohesive and supportive of one another.  We give each other notes, discuss research ideas, work together on projects and papers, and are always there for the other in times of need.  Such cohesion does not always exist in grad school because everyone is vying for a chance at being the best of the best.  Law school and business school come to mind, based on what my friends have told me.

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Why do you think there is always drama in a traditional workplace or in academia?  Why do you think the academic world breeds such negative behavior?  What do you do to remove yourself from drama in professional environments?

How Gen Y (and beyond) can benefit from the truth

Academia, Gen Y

A brief preemptive disclaimer. My Google Reader is filled to the brim with writing from amazing, self-less, motivated, hardworking, genuine and beautiful bloggers.  These bloggers  challenge the status quo and break every known stereotype out there about Gen Y.  They are remarkable individuals (and it pains me that I have met so few of them in real life), but they are also role models.  I’m talking about Doniree, Michelle, Derek, Jenny, Shane Mac, Jennifer, and Ashley, to name only a handful of bloggers we have all grown to love.  There are exceptions to every rule.  To every stereotype.  The purpose of this post is to address how we can, as Gen Y bloggers, be role models for the upcoming generations by being honest and expecting more from each other. The point is, don’t get your panties in a wad about some of the things I say about Gen Y until after you read the whole post. Then you can get anything you want into a wad.  Thanks in advance.

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The power of truth

Yesterday, I blogged about the Life Raft Debate.  This is a second post inspired by the “Tough Guys” segment on NPR’s This American Life in which the Life Raft Debate is featured.  Every year (since 1998), students and faculty at the University of Montevallo (my Alma mater) come together to prove the value of a Liberal Arts education in America with a little event they call the Life Raft Debate*.

For a few years, the audience voted for the debate winner based solely on how well that faculty member “pandered” to the audience, using theatrics and humor.  In 2007*, one faculty member had enough.  He was tired of the faculty not treating the audience, the students, with enough respect to treat them like educated adults, to challenge them or to hold a real debate. To make the Life Raft Debate an exercise in true Civics.  That year, there was no winner.  The audience did not vote because none of the debaters actually debated anything.  The audience said No.  All the faculty drowned.

Dr. Jon Smith says we must stop treating each other like this.  We must stop acting as if the audience are complete morons who can only make a decision based on whether they laugh or are entertained. Dr. Smith thinks we can find a way to grow a spine and raise our standards with the help of role models.  He cites Simon Cowell (yes, from American Idol) as a breath of fresh air because Cowell is willing to say what no one else is willing to say: the truth.  Everyone who loves to sing or wants to sing will be able to make a career doing it, but some people are not told they lack a certain skill as children.  We cannot actually live all of our wildest dreams.  We have limitations, believe it or not. We are not perfect.  Sadly, we live in a society where we are afraid to tell people No. We are so concerned with people’s self-esteem that we are not honest with people about their limitations.  We are not always honest with ourselves about where we need to draw the line between attainable dream and fantasy.

Gen Y can handle the truth

Many Gen Y-ers grew up being told they were special.  My generation’s parents were told No by their parents and they don’t want to tell their own kids No.  The animated film, The Incredibles, touches on this topic beautifully.  In Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk even addresses how many men are raised by single mothers can never say No because they feel incredible guilt.  Gen Y-ers (and the upcoming generations like my little brother and step siblings) were told they could do anything.  Now our kids are told yes yes yes.  That they can do no wrong.  That they deserve a trophy for being last in the race.  That they are entitled to anything they want.  That they deserve a high paying job right out of college without working hard.  That it is perfectly acceptable to shop for things they cannot afford or to buy a house by the time they are 25 because they have a credit card.

But in actuality, those Gen Y-ers who have been told they are so special all the time are NOT** narcissistic, fragile people who will buckle at the first sound of criticism. They are ROBUST.  They WANT to be challenged.  They NEED to be challenged. We need the truth.  We want the truth. And the generations to come need it, too.

I know, some people can’t handle the truth, right?  Mommy and Daddy paid for everything, told them they were so smart, so pretty, so perfect, that they could do no wrong.  Well, they are in for a rough road, if they think they are entitled to something without putting something real out there first.  If you think your first try at something, a work report or presentation or paper or publication or journal article or book or song or painting is going to be perfect, you are wrong.  We all need constructive criticism.  We all need help.  We all need feedback. It is much better to have someone tell me the truth early so I do not waste my time.  Or so I know what I am doing wrong so I can improve. My time could be spent doing something more rewarding.  I am on my seventh draft of my thesis proposal.  It doesn’t mean I am a horrible writer, but it means I can always be a better writer.  I used to want to sing and dance.  I loved singing and loved dancing.  But somewhere along the way I was told I was not good enough.  And I had horrific stage freight.  It hurt.  A lot.  But I thank the person who was coming from a good place when he was honest with me early. It doesn’t stop me from belting it out in the car or from car dancing or even dancing in my chair while I study.  It doesn’t stop me from loving musical theater, for example.  But I know I had to put my time, effort, money, passion into other things. 

We can be role models

So tell Gen Y and Z the truth.  Expect the truth.  Be a role model.  Debate.  Educate yourself.  Expect others to educate themselves.  We all deserve respect and love and truth.  The truth is not always easy and it can be painful, but it is an essential part of growing up.  The truth will set us free, after all.  It will allow us to have a more fulfilling, happy life. Things will not always fall into place exactly how we picture them.  That is OK.  It gives us the opportunity to learn and grow and find our true paths.   Being a role model is more than living by example and empowering others to DO.  It is also about being honest.

A very wise man once made a call for us all to be the change we wish to see in the world.  It can start with us, friends.  We can demand more from each other.  More from ourselves.  With a simple No.  With a simple Truth.  We can be honest with our younger siblings who are told No less often than we ever were.  We must be honest with our own kids.  When the truth comes from a good place, it is beautiful.

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*You can listen to the podcast from the last Life Raft Debate in which Jon Smith called upon the audience to make a statement with a simple No vote.  The “Tough Guys” segment on NPR’s This American Life in which the Life Raft Debate is mentioned begins at 41:00.

** OK, yes, I know some actually ARE narcissists.  But that is a whole other conversation. One you can read more about here here here and here or with a simple Google search.

The Life Raft Debate and the importance of a Liberal Arts education

Academia, Gen Y, The Way

{Life Raft Debate}

The Life Raft Debate

Every year (since 1998), students and faculty at the University of Montevallo (my Alma mater) come together to prove the value of a Liberal Arts education in America.  In the Life Raft Debate, the scenario is simple:

There has been a nuclear war and the survivors (the audience) are setting sail to rebuild society from the ground up.  There is a group of academic-types vying to get on the raft, and only one seat is left. Each professor gets to give an introductory account of his or her discipline, then give a brief rebuttal to the others, and, finally, the audience will be allowed to ask questions and vote. Each professor has to argue that his or her discipline is the one indispensable area of study that the new civilization will need to flourish.  At the end of the debating, the audience votes and the lucky winner climbs aboard, waving goodbye to the others.

The true purpose behind the debate is to highlight the importance of a liberal arts education.  Each discipline brings something to the table, to the world, to the lives of students.  To the Raft, as it were.  We, in reality, cannot survive without any discipline.  They are all equally important.

Liberal Arts

A broad undergraduate education is valuable for many reasons.  Understanding the basics of multiple disciplines forced me to think outside the box, to ask questions, to learn how to do research and to learn how to think analytically. I earned a Bachelor of Science with a double major in Psychology and Sociology at the University of Montevallo in 2004 (wow, I’m getting old).  Despite have a concentration in two disciplines, I still took courses in Math, the Hard Sciences, Engineering, Law, Political Science, History, Foreign Language, Sociology, Psychology, Economics, the Arts, Religion, Philosophy and more.  I learned how to love to learn.  I learned how to learn.  A Liberal Arts education prepared for the real world and for a graduate level education.  And I will always be a proponent of liberal arts education at the undergraduate level.

This weekend, NPR’s This American Life podcast featured the outcome of the 2007 Life Rafe Debate.  Listen to the “Tough Guys” segment on NPR’s This American Life in which the Life Raft Debate is mentioned.  (It begins at 41:00.)

In the segment, Dr. Jon Smith said:

There is a degree to which we sortof expect public discourse is going to be horrifically debased.  That we are going to have these god awful debates and there is nothing else except crappy emotional appeals that may or may not actually have an impact upon real issues.

That quote reminded me of an old episode of Real Time with Bill Maher in which Richard Dreyfuss discussed the importance of teaching Civics in school.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd7p1SGMuqU]

Few undergraduate programs will ever include even a glimmer of Civics in their curricula.  It is our responsibility as citizens of the world to be active in that world. To make a difference.  To ask questions.  To educate ourselves and not allow the status quo to dictate what we think, feel and do in our lives.

A Liberal Arts education challenged me to be a better human being, student and world citizen.  I will be forever grateful for such a gift.