If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nuthin’ at all.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGt9jAkWie4]

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I recently alluded to some drama at school,  but I didn’t want to get into it in too much detail in public.

The gist: I don’t associate with some people in my program because I prefer to surround myself with positive, honest, helpful, kind, enabling individuals.  I do not like to sit down at a table at dinner with someone and have him or her immediately talk negatively about someone I know or try to pull negative words from me.  If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.  Or at least, don’t be two faced.  If you hang around someone all the time, don’t come to me and start talking smack.  I will immediately lose some respect and trust for you.  That doesn’t mean I’m perfect.  I am far from perfect.  I say things I should not say about people, but I try to limit it to things I would say to that person’s face.  Or I limit intimate conversations about others to my closest friends.

I thought I would post something general about the interpersonal politics of {insert any competitive professional work environment}.

I treat grad school as a professional work environment. We are adults and colleagues.  The line between student and faculty is blurred such that we are all on a first name basis.  I do not like drama and avoid it at all costs for my personal well-being.  I am friends with my boss outside of work, but we are able to compartmentalize our professional and personal lives because we are on the same page.  That is a special circumstance that I do not share with many of my fellow students.  A few of my close friends in my program also treat grad school as a job.  That’s right, I only have a few close friends in school.

Why I am not close with most of my cohort

Competitiveness + high intelligence + psychology background + neuroticism + poor coping skills + long distance relationships + insecurity + extreme stress mediated by a small, cohesive cohort predicts interpersonal disaster.  (That was my awful attempt at a regression equation to predict grad school drama. But you get the idea.)

There are very few of us in the program.

My business, if I talk about it, will become everyone’s business.  Everyone knows everyone in any small graduate program.  My classes range from four to twenty students, so we all know each other.  Word spreads fast.  I prefer not to share the most intimate details of my life with anyone in the program outside of the few people whom I consider real friends.

There is some separation based on age.

Some students come straight out of undergrad and are still going through their party phase in life.  Their “getting to know themselves” phase.  Their “experimental” phase.  Been there, done that, over it.  That is not to say I don’t know how to have a good time. I can drink wine and dance all night with the best of them.  But I’m 27.  I’m not 23.  Others, like myself, worked for a few years before going back to school, we have established healthy relationships and we don’t want to mix work with personal life too much.  When you are 23, you think you are an adult.  And then you turn 27 and realize that you are always growing, changing, discovering new things, and re-evaluating your priorities.

I tend to socialize more with older students because I find that our interests and priorities are similar.  It doesn’t mean those students who want to go out to the clubs every night, to come to class hungover, or to be promiscuous with one another are necessarily doing something wrong.  They are just doing some things I do not want to do personally.  Life is too short not to live it up a little.  I also believe life is too short to be cruel to anyone or to hurt oneself.

Then there is the issue of PhD versus Master’s students.

Some PhD students are a little “judgey” about the Master’s students, despite the fact we are taking the same classes..  In my program, the first year requirements are the same regardless of one’s concentration.  The Applied Experimental Master’s students, Clinical PsyDs, Human Factors PhDs, Applied Experimental PhDs and Industrial/Organizational PhDs take some of the same core courses.  It is not until the second year that we split into concentration areas.    In general, we mingle and see each other regularly. But there are a group of PhD students who think they are better, smarter, more capable than the Master’s students.  It is like high school all over again for some.  Or the PhD Jets versus the MS Sharks, if you’re into musicals.  In my opinion, at this level in our education, we are all equal.  Everyone has a different set of skills, knowledge, abilities and interests.  The Master’s students in my program, including myself, began their graduate education with a terminal Master’s degree because our GRE scores were not great, we had been out of school for awhile and we did not know exactly what our research focus was going to be.  We needed a Master’s program to help guide us in the right direction and better prepare us for a PhD program.  Fortunately, there are PhDs who believe we are all colleagues.  And I hope to be a good role model by being inclusive once I enter the PhD program in August.

Then there is the issue of competition between students.

This is, after all, academia.  The Ivory Tower of Academia can be a pretty dark cave in which to reside.  Julie at Escape the Ivory Tower, one of my favorite blogs about grad school, definitely touches on this aspect of interpersonal relationship in academia.  Fortunately for me, my fellow Human Factors students are very cohesive and supportive of one another.  We give each other notes, discuss research ideas, work together on projects and papers, and are always there for the other in times of need.  Such cohesion does not always exist in grad school because everyone is vying for a chance at being the best of the best.  Law school and business school come to mind, based on what my friends have told me.

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Why do you think there is always drama in a traditional workplace or in academia?  Why do you think the academic world breeds such negative behavior?  What do you do to remove yourself from drama in professional environments?

This is the fifth week of a six-week Q & A series.  Holly (aka Spleeness) asked:

How do you manage meals?

There are three types of grad students when it comes to meal management

I am one of the many graduate students in the world who gained weight in grad school. I had no idea that I would gain 20 pounds in my first two years of graduate school.  It can be frustrating at times (especially like the time last year when I had to buy a new wardrobe to attend an academic conference).  Most people who know how I eat know that I eat relatively healthy.  They swear I am just gaining weight from stress.  But I don’t exercise enough, I eat too many carbs and I have long days.  I eat too much during the day.  The silver lining is that I love my body more now than I ever did when I was a size 4 and I am not living in a dream land where I expect to ever fit in my jeans from college.

Then there are the protein shake grad students. They eat on the weekends, but live on protein shakes, juice and smoothies during the week.  Most of these students contend that liquid diets are more efficient.  They are right.  Really, the best way to eat is not to eat, but to drink. It is better for our digestive systems.  The few people I know who live on shakes are relatively healthy.  I lived on shakes when I had braces in college and I hated it.  I love food too much.  And I love to cook.  If you want to know more about how to live a chewing-free lifestyle, I highly recommend reading one of my favorite books: The Tao of Detox.

Then there are the grad students who do not eat. When they are stressed and busy, they forget to eat or lose their appetites.  They go all day without really eating.  When they do eat, they eat out.  Usually fast food because it is… well… fast.  Some wait all day and then eat a ton of food at night.  So some people lose weight in grad school.

How I adjusted to eat healthier since the summer

My first year of grad school, I ate meals out quite a bit.  There were days when I would spend 12 hours in Panera with fellow students.  We might eat two meals there in one day. Free WiFi + large tables for notes and books + coffee + “everyone can find something to eat” = grad student hide out.  Once I became acclimated to 12-24 hour academic days, I started cooking more and bringing food with me to work and campus.  I work from home on the weekends and at least twice during the week. I am only on campus two full days and a half day one day each week.  I am in my office or working off site at least once per week.  It may seem like this would be frustrating and make meal planning difficult, but I have found a way to make it work for me.  I do have access to coffee pots, microwaves and mini-fridges on campus in my labs and at my office.  Also, keep in mind I am a little neurotic, I love food, I love to cook and I do not eat any four-legged animals (and fish is the only meat I cook in my house).  I also probably spend more on groceries for myself in a week than some couples spend.  I justify it in my head and in my budget by not eating out at restaurants like I used to.

How to plan meals when you have a hectic schedule without any semblance of routine

Make menus for the week.

I have a calendar on my fridge that I use just for menu planning.  I shop for groceries weekly or bi-weekly depending on how busy I am.  I base my menu off of what I anticipate my week will look like.  I do not plan meals for breakfast and lunch on weekends because I am home and usually eat the same kinds of things those days. I am rarely able to stick to my menu exactly, but it helps me budget my time and money wisely.

Menus come in most handy at dinner.  I know that I have something at home ready to make and I am rarely tempted to pick up food on my way home in the evenings.  I do eat out most Thursday nights after class.  I meet up some fellow students around 5pm so we can hang out and avoid driving in rush hour traffic.  Unless I am going to meet up with some friends on a Friday night, I cook dinner for myself every other night of the week.  I started making weekly menus that I stick by fairly well.

I have to eat the same thing for two or three meals sometimes, but I change it up a little so I don’t get tired of it.  I might make enough homemade Mac and Cheese for three days, but I might eat it with a tuna steak and peas for dinner, with a small salad the next day for lunch, and with a sautéed Portobello mushrooms and spinach that night for dinner.  I might make a small homemade pizza one night for dinner with leftover veggies in my fridge.  I might cook brown rice one night as a side and make enough to use the leftovers for fried rice with veggies and tofu the next.  You just have to be creative. Here are some pictures of some of my favorite things to make for dinner.

Keep a bag/box of non-perishable snacks and food items at your office.

Hide it so people don’t steal your food.  Rely on it.  Keep it stocked.  If you have access to a microwave and fridge/freezer, keep a few frozen or perishable staples available, too.  I have a bag of food hidden at my desk and some lean cuisines in the freezer at my office in case I forget my lunch.  If I know I will be on campus or at work a lot, I usually keep baby carrots and hummus in the fridge, too. There is really no excuse for me to eat out for breakfast or lunch any day of the week.  There is no excuse for me to spend money at the vending machine on junk food.  I do eat out for lunch sometimes because my boss and I prefer to work in coffee shops and restaurants.

Purchase an insulated lunch bag to carry snacks and food in little containers or bags.

This is related to the last suggestion, of course.  If you have a fridge/microwave access when you away from home, you can just use the bag to transport your food to the fridge.  If do not have access to kitchen-like appliances all day, the insulated lunch bags can keep food cold with an ice pack. Etsy has some lovely ones.

{via Diane’s Corner on Etsy}

Staying hydrated improves your mood, boosts your energy level, helps your skin stay fabulous, and keeps your body healthy.  If you normally drink a lot of soda and coffee during the day, try one serving of water at some point during the day when you would normally grab a soda or cup of Joe.  People make fun of me because I drink so much water.  They can keep making fun.  I will continue to drink my many daily liters of Reverse Osmosis water, thanks.

{KOR}

Make giant portions of soups, curries and sauces and freeze individual servings in freezer bags.

I try to do this once every few months.  I will make a giant pot of veggie minestrone or pasta e fagoili, chana masala, pasta sauce, and Indian sweet potato curry.  I divide servings into freezer bags and pile them into my freezer. I also make veggie lasagna and cut it into individual pieces without baking it first.  I store it in freezer paper and bags so I can take a piece out of the freezer in the morning and have it thawed that night.

{Giant pot of pasta sauce with spinach, chickpeas and artichoke hearts – I froze the leftovers}

You are what you eat

There are some foods that I like to have in my pantry/freezer/fridge at all times: romaine lettuce, frozen spinach, frozen fruit, bananas, brown rice pasta, brown rice, tuna, whey protein (does that count?), marinara sauce, frozen avocado halves, green tea, carrots, black beans, hummus, pistachios, raisins, cheese, popcorn, honey, coffee, chocolate chocolate chocolate, wine, ginger ale

{some of my staples for breakfast}

My friends on Twitter mentioned some great meal time staples: peanut butter, pasta, Mac & Cheese, applesauce, apples, popcorn, fresh fruit, beefaroni, ground turkey, marinara sauce, dried fruit, nuts, cheddar bunnies, blue corn chips, pretzels, cheese, wine, cereal, coffee

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When you had a major lifestyle adjustment, did you gain or lose weight or was food not an issue?

What are your favorite snack foods to pack on a long day away from home?  Do you eat out every day at lunch or do you prefer to cook meals at home and eat leftovers?  Do you live on protein shakes?

How do you manage your meals when you don’t have a second of free time to spare?