I’ve been dumped before… This isn’t pain I’m feeling, it’s nostalgia. – Ally McBeal
A Maybe came and went.
I am no longer seeing anyone. We split a month ago. It’s just taken me awhile to write this post.
Things were going well. I even thought he was a “Maybe.”
Check him out – even if he’s a Maybe; even if you know he’s not really The One, but you feel he has a chance of being The One. Coz the right ones – even those who have the remotest possibility of being The One – they don’t come by too often, if they ever do come at all. – Ally McBeal
A Maybe is the kind of guy you consider to be a long haul kind of guy. A Maybe is someone with whom you go furniture shopping and talk about the future only knowing him a month. A Maybe is someone with whom everything is easy. When it’s almost as if you’ve known each other forever, even if you get that nervous butterfly feeling around him.
I prefer to leave the rest of the details off the blog. Those closest to me know the details (and probably wish they didn’t – love you guys!). It wasn’t one of those dramatic breakups. It was a conversation between two adults who realized it wouldn’t work out. We couldn’t give each other what we wanted or needed. We were both busy, had different priorities and communication styles, and we were on different schedules. I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down with excitement that he wanted to end it, but it had to end given the situation. It hurt. It made my stomach flip (and not in the good way). I lost my appetite. I felt a little nuts. I’m an INFJ and a Pisces for goodness sake. I over-analyzed and internalized. I cried.
But then… something strange happened.
I got over it. In four days.
By “over it” I just mean I stopped feeling crazy, I started eating, and I laughed about it. I realized I might be a grown up, after all. I have come a long way from the girl I was just a few years ago. There were some red flags I should have paid closer attention to. But you know what? I am so happy he was part of my life temporarily and I hope he is happy I was part of his life.
And it was time to move on.
They say it’s all in the attitude and mine has changed. And this time it’s gonna last… maybe even a week. – Ally McBeal
How on earth could I get over a Maybe in four days?
Here is my guide to getting over a guy in four days.
Thanks to Jenn for collaborating on this post with me!
1. Have the most ridiculously awesome ever friends on the planet. This requirement must be met before you find a Maybe.
2. Keep those ridiculously awesome friends in the loop when you’re dating. Your friends can point out times you or the other person are acting crazy, give you advice on what to do and what not to do, give you virtual and real hugs when you feel sad, squeal and giggle when things are going well, and share their own dating stories. Basically, friends keep you grounded a little when you start getting your head stuck in Cloud 9.
3. Send messages via text, gchat, Twitter, and email back and forth among some of these friends. Pinch yourself. Your friends are awesome.
4. Go visit a friend who you haven’t seen in awhile. You know the friend. That one who has her shit together more than just about anyone you know. The one who is in a great relationship. Maybe even about to have a baby. Just sayin’.
5. Go to the beach with another friend and your brother. Spend the whole day at the beach. Get a sunburn that ages you ten years. It’s totally worth it. I promise. Besides, you’ll have a nice tan by the time you get around to #10 on the list.
6. Watch Season 3 of Ally McBeal on Netflix streaming. Dance in your kitchen when she dances. Cry about heartbreak when she cries. Laugh uncomfortably when you see your life flash on screen. You might also want to marathon some Archer with your brother.
7. Car dance. Lots of car dancing. And singing. Blast some Armin van Buuren, sing “Unforgiveable” at the top of your lungs, and don’t stop for a second to care what people think of you as you drive past them.
8. Froyo. Strawberry and vanilla with extra hot fudge and coconut.
9. Cardio. Lots of cardio. Jump on that goddamn elliptical, channel your inner angst, and keep moving until your legs go numb.
10. Log back in to Match.com (or whatever dating site you deem appropriate for your needs) to see who has sent you messages or viewed your profile since you last logged in months ago. Contact some of these people. Spend an hour looking at profiles. Some of these interactions will turn into dates. Go on lots of first dates. Pay for yourself and just go out for coffee or a beer. You’re awesome. You’re hot. You’re smart. Remind yourself that one day you will meet another Maybe, but it’s also OK to go on lots of first dates for awhile to get comfortable with that idea. And just remember – physical attraction will only carry you so far in a relationship. The guys who make you laugh until your face hurts or the guys who can carry on a three hour conversation without alcohol or awkwardness are more worth your time than super models who don’t have time for you outside of a booty call. I’ve read so many articles (science and opinion based) telling us that we want what we can’t have. But as a friend said recently, it’s worth squeezing a guy into your schedule if he wants to lock that shit down pretty quickly (e.g., he asks you out on a second date an hour after your first date).
What did I leave off the list? How did you get over your last Maybe?
18 thoughts on “Alex’s guide to getting over a guy in four days (featuring doodles by Jenn and quotes from Ally McBeal)”
Shoot, I watch Ally McBeal even when I’m IN relationships and cry when she cries and dances when she dance.
I did the the a lot of first dates thing the first time I got my heart broken. I didn’t do enough crying which is probably why it took me so long to get over him. All I did was chase adventures. I skydived, shot guns, tried new restaurants, traveled. But I think I should have sprinkled in a bit more wallowing.
Crying is important. Or at least feeling and acknowledging all the icky emotions. Yay for Ally McBeal, too.
1-a. Add the crazy Turkish girl to the list of close friends to keep in the loop.
Friends are amazing! So happy they are there for you It is good to keep friends in the know…all the time.
Thanks, Heather! Friends rock.
This post is all kinds of awesome! I find myself constantly doing this: “Pinch yourself. Your friends are awesome.” It’s a nice feeling to know that you have friends who will help you process life’s curve balls, huh? Anyway, break-ups are a bummer but I’m glad you’re doing well. And I’m sure good things are coming your way.
Thanks, Kim. And yes, good friends are essential for any tough time.
I would say do something that makes you feel alive. That’s what I do to get over relationships.
That is very good advice, too. I guess working out makes me feel good, so that is what I did this time.
The crazy face image still makes me laugh.
I heart you lady.
Heart you, too.
WORD. having good friends is so insanely important. defs the #1 way to get over anyone. i love the first picture with your crazy face 😛
And that is definitely what my crazy face looks like. 😉
I love this post, even though it recently took me almost three months to get over a nobody. Totally agree about the friends, and it is so much easier when they know what’s going on the whole time, and not just when you really need them. I also needed to get over my constant need to be a smart and non-crazy girl, so I could just be honest with my friends.
And somehow I didn’t know or remember that you’re an INFJ. Me too! But a Capricorn.
I knew you were an INFJ, too. From your blog. Obviously. I think it’s one reason why I relate so much to your writing. And you! <3
But yes, when your friends know what is going on, it makes things so much better.
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